We don't know what we don't know
Why asking for others’ perspectives matters for personal growth.
🕰️ Est. reading time: 3 minutes
Seeking advice or feedback isn’t always comfortable, even though we know it’s valuable.
Opening ourselves up to others’ perspectives can feel vulnerable, especially when others might see things we don’t. But that’s exactly what makes it so powerful.
Psychologists have found that each of us has areas in which we lack self-awareness, but others are aware of—we can call these blind spots. These blind spots can lead us to overestimate our strengths or overlook areas where we could improve.
Simply put, we don’t know what we don’t know.
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The Johari Window framework (1955), developed by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, is a useful tool for personal development. It highlights different areas of self-awareness:
Arena: What both you and others are aware of, including your strengths and weaknesses.
Blind Spot: What others see in you, but you don’t recognize.
Hidden: What you know about yourself but choose not to share.
Unknown: What neither you nor others are aware of, waiting to be discovered.
In the Blind Area, we might have strengths or weaknesses that we don’t notice until others point them out.
I didn’t realize I was highly organized until someone told me. While that sounds positive, I learned it can also be challenging for others. Some people said they felt pressured to keep up with my level of organization, especially when projects moved fast. Now that I know this, I focus on what really needs organizing and allow flexibility where possible.
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant suggests that while feedback from one person is helpful, getting insights from multiple people can be even more accurate. For example, if you think you’re detail-oriented but five coworkers feel otherwise, it’s wise to consider their collective view.
Adam Grant also recommends that, instead of asking for general feedback, you try asking coworkers to share specific stories about how you work. He suggests asking questions like, “Can you tell me about a time when you thought I was doing my best work?” to capture moments when you excelled and identify your strengths. As well as, “Can you tell me about a time when my work wasn’t at its best?” to uncover areas where you may need improvement or adjustments.
I know it isn’t always comfortable to seek others’ perspectives about yourself.
I hope this week’s reading helps you see the value in it.
“To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge”
— Confucius
Your design buddy,
Thomas
How to put this advice into action
List down whom you want feedback from
Tip: Aim for a mix of people who can provide diverse perspectives.Ask them
"Tell me a story about a time when I was at my best."
"Tell me a story about a time when I was at my worst."
Record their responses
Capture both positive moments and challenges they mention.Identify common themes
Review the feedback and look for recurring strengths or areas to improve.
Use those insights as improvement goals
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